What Not to Wear: Pajama Edition

Posted: September 7, 2012 in Creative Writing
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This is part 2, of the “What Not to Wear” skit for Women’s Ministry. They asked me to do a pajama edition for a pj party. Here it is 🙂

What Not to Wear: Pajama Wear Edition

Stacy London: pattern everything after the actual host of What Not to Wear, Stacy London, an attractive brunette who is not afraid to speak her mind.

Carmen Piper: a young lady who is very driven and very often falls asleep in all her clothing. Carmen Post-Transformation: She has some fun and very soft cozy PJ’s on with slippers a very soft robe.

Before Song: A Hard Day’s Night
After Song: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Gracie Johnson: a lady in her thirties who is married and dresses frumpy to bed so that her husband is not attracted to her. Gracie Post-Transformation: She is wearing a sexy, but not too revealing negligee with a silky robe over it. She is also wearing perfume.

Before Song: What’s Love Gotta Do with It
After Song: Can You Feel the Love Tonight

Donna Doherty: an older lady who has not bought new PJ’s in over 20 years. Everything is ragged and threadbare. Donna Post-Transformation: she has brand new silk PJ’s on and is convinced that she can spend some money on herself once in a while.

Before Song: Seasons in the Sun
After Song: I Feel Pretty

Master of Ceremonies: Introduces Stacy London.

Assistant(s): Stacy has an assistant or two who will escort the contestants to and from the stage.

Husband of Gracie Johnson: pre-recorded part.

You will need a sound technician to play the music clips on cue as well as a media person to do the pictures of Carmen Piper. You may need a video person to do the Husband’s pre-recorded part, or this can simply be audio for the sound technician to play.

Master of Ceremonies: And now, back by popular demand, we’ve invited Stacy London, host of What Not to Wear to come back for our What Not to Wear: Pajama Edition! Please welcome her to the stage!! (Dance music comes on as she enters.)

Stacy London: Hello, beautiful ladies of Alaska!!! Thanks so much for having me back for the first ever, “What Not to Wear: Pajama Edition!” (Applause) I have to tell you honestly that never in my life have I been asked to critique the bed-wear of my sisters, but I’ll tell you what… I’ve been dying to do it. We are here to prove that you can feel like a queen even in the privacy of your own room or in a room full of your soul sistas! Am I right? Who’s with me? (Applause)

Stacy London: Okay, for our first victim, um, I mean participant, we have Carmen Piper! Come on up here, Carmen! You look a little surprised. How ya doing? Did you know this was a pajama party?

Carmen: Yeah, I know. I just couldn’t find anything…okay, so what did my friends tell you about me? I’m dying to know.

Stacy London: Well, I think a picture says a thousand words. Let’s look at some photographs of you snuggled up for the night in your nightwear. (Show several pictures on the screen of Carmen passed out in her clothing while doing things like on the computer, on the phone, reading a book, etc.) Tell me truly, Carmen, when is the last time you even found time to get ready for bed?

Carmen: Well, on Monday, I… no maybe Saturday. No that was my meeting with the board. Hummm… I’m sorry I can’t remember. Let me get out my date book and I can tell you.

Stacy London: Hold it right there, Carmen! Drop the datebook. (The phone rings.) Drop the phone. (She peeks at her watch.) Take off the watch. Nightwear is made to help you relax. Do you know the meaning of the word, relax? Breathe in, breath out. Do it with us ladies. Inhale pink, exhale blue. In and out. Once more… in and out. When you come back out, you’ll look so relaxed and comfy that you won’t even need your 8 cups of coffee tomorrow morning! You’ll also have a new theme song. (Play A Hard Day’s Night as she exits.)

Stacy London: Now bring up the graceful Gracie Johnson! Tz, Tz, Tz. Gracie, are you married?

Gracie: Yes. He’s a great man, and he loves me just the way I am.

Stacy London: How special he must be! Ladies, married or unmarried, do you think Gracie’s husband loves to go to bed each and every night with a wife who looks like one of his college dorm buddies? (Possibly mixed responses.) We have a little clip of his viewpoint on the subject.

Husband (audio): Gracie, sorry to do this to you, but I’m desperate. You are so beautiful, but you don’t seem to care about showing it when you go to bed. I have got to see you in something other than that awful grey sweatpants and that old tan Ray’s shirt of yours. I would have thrown it away years ago if I wasn’t afraid of how you’d react. Help me, Stacy!

Gracie: You’ve heard it from the husband’s mouth, Gracie. You’re desperate husband wants you in all your glory! What’s more important to you, your comfort or his desire for his wife? You don’t have to answer now. Think it over and we’ll see if we can’t get you to see the light. (Exits to “What’s Love Gotta Do With It”)

Stacy London: Next contestant, Donna Doherty! Let’s see what you’re donning tonight!
Wow! That’s all I can say… wow!

Donna: What’s the big deal?

Stacy London: Exactly how old is this outfit?

Donna: Hmmm, I think I had it in my thirties and it still fits. Pretty impressive, huh?

Stacy London: Um, to be blunt, no. Not impressive at all. Do you have anything newer?

Donna: Why buy anything new? It’s not like anyone will see me. Besides, I like all my old stuff. It reminds me of the good ole days. You know?

Stacy London: Does this keep you warm on those cold Alaska nights?

Donna: Well it is a little drafty I suppose.

Stacy London: What if someone came to your door while you had your PJ’s on?

Donna: I never thought about that before. But I don’t think they should judge.

Stacy London: Donna, you have value. Do you believe that?

Donna: I’m not sure what you’re asking exactly. I know, I work at the post office. I guess I do an okay job and I’m valuable to them. And when I was younger, I was a good mom to my kids, but now they’re all grown and don’t need me as much anymore…

Stacy London: That’s not what I mean. You have intrinsic value whether you work or not, whether you have kids or not, no matter what you do. You need to stop holding on to the past and realize that you’re valuable today and we think you’re at the very least valuable enough to buy you new pajamas.

Donna: Okay, I guess it is time to update just a bit. Thanks for reminding me of all that, Stacy, I needed to hear it.

Stacy London: Bless you, my dear, go and be transformed. (Play Seasons in the Sun as she exits.)

Stacy London: We will eagerly await the nighttime transformation of each of these wonderful ladies on the first ever “What Not to Wear: Pajama Edition!” Thanks to all of you for being a part of the magic! See you after these messages!

Master of Ceremonies: I have been informed that the contestants have made themselves ready and the transformation of their PJ’s is complete. Take it away Stacy!

Stacy London: That’s right, (Miss LaRae or whoever does the MC part)! Remember first, Carmen, the young woman you’d have thought she was on Speed if you didn’t know she was a good Christian lady. The problem was that her “good works” were getting in the way of “holy relaxation and fun” that beckons us from time to time. Let’s just look at her now!

Stacy London: (Carmen walks the catwalk with a nice steady step, relaxed and confident to the tune of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.) Carmen has been transformed from a woman who made me nervous just looking at her to a woman that I want to be. Just look at this nice cozy cute outfit. Perfect for the occasion of a nice movie and popcorn and certainly appropriate for some real, quality sleep. Congratulations, Carmen! Any comments?

Carmen: You know, I realize now that peace is a state of being. If I ever lose my peace again, I’m going to stop what I’m doing and ask God to help me get it back. The peace I have now feels cozier than this great set of pajamas. Thanks so much for talking sense into me, Stacy, and all my friends who cornered me. I feel great and I’m ready to have some fun!

Stacy London: Way to go, girl. Next up, Gracie, the frumpy wife who just wanted to be comfortable all the time. Hubby, if you could only see her now, watch out!

Stacy London: (Gracie saunters out to Can You Feel the Love Tonight.) Check her out! You may want to go to bed a little earlier from now on, because your husband may not want to sleep right away… Elegance and taste wrapped in a beautifully distinguished and feminine robe. You are breathtaking! How do you feel?

Gracie: I thought I’d feel a little embarrassed, but actually a little femininity goes a long way. I realized that I’d been hiding that part of myself and I don’t like it. I’m done with being ashamed of being a woman. It’s who God made me and I’m going to celebrate it in style!

Stacy London: Way to go, Gracie! Your husband’s right, you are beautiful… and now it is clearly evident!

Stacy London: I am now proud to introduce a woman who, just a few moments ago, valued herself so little that she refused to purchase new pajamas for herself in over twenty years. Now let’s see the new, improved Donna Doherty!

Stacy London: (Donna cascades out with her expensive evening wear to the tune of “I Feel Pretty.”) This outfit is tailor made to fit Donna’s unique and exquisite frame. She looks like a queen, not a mere post lady or mom, but more importantly: a daughter of a king! Let’s hear what she has to say!

Donna: Stacy, I don’t know how you did it, but you nailed me. I was feeling very lacking in value as a person. I was hanging on to my past for security. I realize now that I can live much happier in the now, and that my Heavenly Father loves me for who I am: old or young, yesterday and today. His love for me never changes, and I will live to know it more fully each day.

Stacy London: That was profound, it even makes me a little moist around the eyelashes. (She begins fanning her eyes.) As always, it has been a pleasure. You are a great group of women! Have a great night and everyone feel pretty because you are! (Blows a kiss as she leaves the stage. Optional: Play song “I Feel Pretty” to close.)

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